All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
