Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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