Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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