the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The air was thick with penises
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
