She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
