a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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