you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
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