Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
