I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
