is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
