he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
