I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
