I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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