I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
