theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
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