Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
