Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
