I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
