3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
There r osticjed everywhere
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
