so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So here I am, sexting at work.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
