Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
