He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
