Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
