I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I pour the whiskey from now on
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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