yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
