haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
