My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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