chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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