i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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