Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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