Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
