I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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