on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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