Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
