you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I think people are normalizing furries
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
