The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
