And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
