you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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