Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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