Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
