It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
