Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize