u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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