dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
