dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
