So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
