Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
