Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize