she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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