I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
