I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
