I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Randomize
