I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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