Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
