you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
