Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
