Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
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