He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize