I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
