when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
