i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
