one might say we're banned from that church
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
