Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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