meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
