maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
