he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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