the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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