We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
