you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
