yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
