you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
