It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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