Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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