yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize