i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
