life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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