His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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