remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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