Are we in a gay sports bar?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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