from now on my penis is your penis
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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