she was so not down for the gang bang
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Less talking, more tequila
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
